I have a strong wish for control. I feel a need to impose order on the perceived chaos of my internal and external world. This manifests in various ways, from meticulously planning my days to obsessively organizing my surroundings. It’s an attempt to create a sense of predictability. I try to manage the anxiety that arises from feeling like things are outside of my grasp.

The problem, of course, is that control is largely an illusion. Life is inherently unpredictable. Things happen that are beyond my control. People act in ways I can’t anticipate. Even my own thoughts and emotions can feel unruly and chaotic.

My attempts to impose control are often met with frustration and disappointment. When things don’t go according to plan, my carefully constructed order is disrupted. As a result, I can become anxious. I may also become irritable and even angry. It’s a futile battle against the inherent nature of reality.

Learning to accept the lack of control is a challenging process. Embracing the uncertainty and fluidity of life is necessary. It involves letting go of the need to micromanage every aspect of my existence. I must cultivate a sense of resilience that allows me to adapt to whatever chaos comes my way.